Don’t begrudge the nuts you get

February 27th, 2008

It isn’t every day you see someone ask for free nuts. And get them. Making his way home on Family Day, a man found himself in a restaurant that sells a lot of ice cream. Having just eaten a sandwich, he was looking for something to wash away a lingering taste of olives; which, from the looks of things, was the closest he had been to a vegetable in weeks.

So, he ordered a hot fudge sundae. When the person taking the order asked if that would be all, he said “Not unless you feel like sprinkling some nuts on top of that syrup.” Once again, he had vegetables on his mind, and nuts certainly qualify. To a man like that, there really are only three food groups—animal, vegetable, and mineral—and if you get a mix of all three on a regular basis, you will live a long and healthy life. The employee understood this man somehow and, impressed with his good manners and jovial nature, asked what kind of nuts he would like. He enquired as to his choices, and she rhymed off about three or four varieties of peanut, with enticing names like Spanish and Jumbo. When she moved on to the pecans, the man stopped her in her tracks. “Hold your horses right there,” he said, “because pecans it is.”

Pecans, however, it wasn’t. Two spoonfuls into that sundae, he laughed and said: “These are clearly walnuts.” “What?” was the incredulous response. “Walnuts. There are walnuts in this sundae, not pecans. The management must be informed of this hoodwink.” No one uses a word like hoodwink anymore, and it was a good choice, given the circumstances. Without a hint of embarrassment, the employee said she couldn’t really tell the difference, on account of her allergies. She explained that she was terribly allergic to nuts, and didn’t like to get too close to them, if possible. The man understood.

Anyone who spends a lifetime avoiding nuts probably wouldn’t know a walnut from a pecan, kind of like the person allergic to seafood who can’t tell the difference between a lobster and a crab. He decided, after putting this innocent person in peril over a simple hot fudge sundae, that his walnuts would certainly do. They were actually pretty good walnuts, he assured her; not at all like the bitter and neglected ones you often find at the bottom of the mixed nut bowl at Christmas time. He thanked her gratefully, and decided the moral of the story, if there was one at all, is to never begrudge the nuts you get.

With the amount of food allergies cropping up these days, people who love a vegetable with their ice cream may one day find it hard to get any nuts at all. The secret is to avoid white ice cream, and go for the ones with plenty of added colouring. A number of the dyes poured into ice cream these days are vegetable based and, for my money, that counts as a serving of vegetables. Find an ice cream with a dairy ingredient or two, and you’ll have a serving from the animal food group as well. Yes, eating a balanced diet is easier than you think, and healthy food choices don’t have to drive a person nuts.