Men are dying to know the score

10/24/2006

It’s official. Men are dying to know the score.


A recent study has determined not even a medical emergency will pull some men away from their televisions when the big game is on—which brings a whole new meaning to the term die-hard fan.


Emergency physician David Jerrard tracked nearly 800 regular season college and professional football, baseball and basketball games in the state of Maryland over three years, and found there was always an increase in the number of men who checked into emergency rooms after such events.


Apparently, 50 per cent more men registered in emergency rooms following a football game than during the event itself, and up to 40 per cent more sought care following a baseball game.


Dr. Jerrard says men check in after a game with "similar symptoms to what any emergency department sees on a daily basis" such as chest pains, abdominal pains, headaches and various injuries.


Great, doc, but what are you really measuring?


Jerrard suggests that men are willing to risk their health by putting off going to the emergency room, because they want to see the final results of a game; perhaps the last game they will ever see.


This new study is a follow-up to one he completed two years ago, which found a drop of about 30 per cent in the number of men checking into hospital emergency rooms during sports broadcasts.


It’s only common sense. If there is something you can delay for an hour or two for something you actually want to do, you’ll delay it. Unless a man is coughing a lung into the chip dip, or the sound of an artery rupturing drowns out the play-by-play, he will most likely ride it out until the game is over.


What the good doctor also failed to consider is the various activities men enjoy after the game.
The increase could be due to the number of armchair athletes who decide to mimic the pros in their own backyards, or engage in post-game violence.


My friend Joe offers a prime example.


It was 1993, in game six of the NHL semi-finals, when Wayne Gretzky of the L.A. Kings laid a high stick on MVP and Toronto Maple Leafs star Doug Gilmour, and skated away without a penalty.


The Brantford crybaby went on to score the winner, plus a hat-trick in game seven, and carry the Kings to the NHL finals against the Montreal Canadiens; robbing the Leafs of their rightful place in the final, on pro hockey’s 100th anniversary.


Joe was thrust into such a rage, he launched his living room table across the room, all the while yelling and screaming a very violent, very blue tirade for about 20 minutes. A neighbour nearly stepped in to calm the situation, but thought twice about it once he spotted the carnage—thus saving the doctor two more cases for his study.