Let the bidding war begin

10/3/2006


October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.


Seeing as cancer is a serious issue, it is about time the funding for cancer research was given some serious consideration. After giving it a little serious thought, I have come up with a recommendation.We should organize an art auction.


Mine would be no ordinary auction, however, because the paintings would be original works of art, donated by some of the various extraordinary celebrities and famous folk who enrich our lives.


And, the paintings would be no ordinary works of art either, because they would be painted entirely by the artist’s exposed breasts, which seems like a perfect fit for breast cancer awareness when you give it a little thought. I can already picture it.


How the artists get the paint from their various “brushes” to the canvas is of no concern. It would be done behind closed doors, completely in private. This is not some tawdry peep show. It is a serious fundraiser, and could generate some serious coin.


Pamela Anderson, for example, is always spouting off about animal cruelty and how we should all be eating turkey made of vegetable gum. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt her to lend her ample assets to such a worthwhile cause as breast cancer awareness.


Susan Sarandon is another accomplished actress who isn’t afraid to voice her political leanings. If she truly is a woman who cares, it wouldn’t hurt her one bit to lean forward for the breast cancer cause.
All the artists would have to do is donate a little of their time, get creative, and make sure the paint is dry before the auctioneer’s gavel sounds.


Just think of the money a room full of stuffy old art collectors might shell out for a one-of-a-kind piece, painted entirely hands-free by the lovely and talented actress Scarlett Johansson.


With a little work, we could probably get Dolly Parton on board, followed by Jessica Simpson or Jenna Jameson. There’s no telling what Paris Hilton might do if enough money was on the table.
And that’s just the ones whose names end in “on”. Those perky Olsen twins could paint something together, or the entire cast of Desperate Housewives hook up for an enormous mural.


Because breast cancer affects not only women, but men as well, a number of Hollywood’s hunky leading men could also ease up to the easel. There are ladies out there who would rob a bank for something painted by Tom Cruise, George Clooney, Mel Gibson, Clint Eastwood, or Ernest Borgnine.


With his political clout, there is no limit to what Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his massive pecs could accomplish. If we are ever going to get serious about finding a cure for cancer, it can’t be a bad thing to get serious about my new fundraiser.


Let the bidding war begin!