A new batch is already on the go

4/3/2007

As far back as I have been legally able to drink it, I have tried to make alcohol, at home, in my spare time.
You might think this is easy. You should think again.
The process itself is embarrassingly simple. All you have to do is find some yeast, give it a whole lot of sugar to eat, and the end result is alcohol. There is nothing difficult about that. The trick lies in making a grog that people, perhaps not too many people, will want to drink.
My first attempt at brewing beer involved a plastic bucket, a closet, and a hockey stick. An old brew maker told me to “kick the pail” every once in a while to activate the yeast, to get the most out of it. His nose looked like an old cauliflower that someone had painted red and purple, so I figured he knew what he was talking about.
I used the hockey stick to fire tennis balls at the bucket, and it actually produced a pale ale, no pun intended, which I bottled away in mason jars. A rookie mistake.
It was some of the worst beer ever made in any closet and, just to add insult to injury, the bottles kept exploding until foam started oozing out from under the closet door.
I tried making red wine after that, and it even bordered on drinkable, provided you added a little ginger ale and pieces of fruit, and served it only to people who were already good and drunk, or didn’t know the difference.
The notion of making moonshine never crossed my mind. That can get dangerous if you don’t know what you are doing. It might even be illegal, and prison is no place for a twitchy blind man with an unpredictable bladder.
Finally, success arrived with a recipe for apple cider.
Of man’s many loves, his affair with the apple is among the oldest. Where the two first met is anyone’s guess, but archeologists feel it stretches as far back as 750,000 years, when survival was a matter of foraging for fruits, roots and nuts. Many an early apple picker probably enjoyed a belly full, after being chased up a tree by something snarling.
The carbonized remains of apples found in Asia date back to 6,500 B.C., and one of the earliest records of apple growing is a notation by scribes of Ramses II in 1,300 B.C., describing the planting of apple trees along the Nile delta. Egyptians brought apples to Greece, and then to Europe.
Pliny the Elder, who died in 79 A.D. in the eruption of Vesuvius, was able to record 36 different apple varieties.
The word “cider” goes back to the ancient Hebrews, where “schechar” meant strong drink, or any intoxicating beverage. Hebrews prized cider for its healthful qualities, and because it did the trick while abstaining from wine.
Many people drinking cider for the first time are disappointed, expecting it to taste like fresh, sweet cider. The taste is acquired, like it is for beer, wine, olives, oysters, tea, coffee, cigars, and cabbage. Once your palate has accepted its unique zest, you will always want a bottle at hand.
My own cider is by no means excellent, but not so bad that friends don’t drain every drop that’s set in front of them. It would probably be much better if left to age for a while, but none of my friends have that kind of discipline.
Not to worry, though. A new batch is already on the go.