Mosquitoes like summer too

Chances are, like any good Canadian, you will spend at least some of your summer in the great outdoors. When faced with this country’s two seasons, winter and July, enjoying time outside in the sun and surf is a must. It is a part of who we are. Of course, mosquitoes see our country in much the same way, and like to take advantage of us at a time of year when we are most vulnerable, and most likely to have a patch or two of exposed skin. Scientists estimate it takes 1,200,000 mosquitoes, each sucking once, to completely drain the average human of blood. This is difficult to test, unless you’ve gone camping without a tent, or passed out at a picnic table, or both. It is hard to even imagine what it might be like, to be drained and tortured so slowly you could swear it was a career. Arctic researchers who bared their bodies reported as many as 9,000 bites per minute from swarming, newly hatched mosquitoes. At that rate, an individual could lose half his blood in two hours. It is even harder to imagine what that might be like, to be drained and tortured so quickly you could swear it was your wedding day. Mosquitoes use their distinctive whines to attract mates, and can match the pitch of a potential partner. Most males and females can relate to each other in a second or two, which is often the same length of time it takes a human female to reject a potential mate in a crowded bar. The mosquito can even mate in midair, often in as little as 15 seconds from initial approach to kiss goodnight. This is roughly the length of a beer commercial. Some humans have been rumoured to attempt the same workrate, although research in the field is limited, even among naked researchers running through the arctic tundra. Running from mosquitoes is counterproductive. They prefer larger targets and are attracted to movement, so offer your largest and loudest guest a skipping rope or live badger to play with. Mosquitoes use your exhaled breath to track you down, but hit a top speed of only 2.5 kmh. Most people can eclipse this with a steady walk, unless you happen to be a large, panting man with a skipping rope. Many mosquitoes are active at dawn and dusk, but will still find you for a snack at any time of the day or night. Looking on the bright side, millions of years ago the little buzzers were several times larger than they are today. Experts say there are are still more than 2,500 varieties of them whining from the tundra to the tropics, including a unique strain that lives only in the London subway system and feeds on rats and other underground morsels. Most of the surface of a mosquito’s head is eyes, capable of picking up infrared images and heat patterns emanating from a body, just like the alien in the movie Predator. To avoid being detected, you can cover yourself in mud, like Arnold did in the film, and consider saving the world. If mud doesn’t suit you, there is always the mosquito net. The world’s largest net is in Nigeria, and capable of protecting 200 children at a time. I recommend rigging one across your backyard, or trying anything that will get you out and enjoying another great Canadian summer.