Sharing life with an overachiever

3/14/2006

I celebrated a birthday last week, and so did someone I have grown to despise over the years.

Barbara Millicent Roberts, daughter to George and Margaret, and better known to millions simply as Barbie, was “born” at the American International Toy Fair on March 9, 1959. I was born exactly one decade later, and nothing I have accomplished in life has come even remotely close to Barbie’s many achievements. No sir, I don’t like Babs one bit.

Physically, I can’t hold a candle to the blonde bombshell. She is curvaceous, has great skin, and a perfect smile. She is ten years older than I am, but never seems to age or gain weight. Her head might pop off once in while, but not even that seems to slow her down for very long. It simply isn’t fair.

Barbie's height and exaggerated hourglass figure, if scaled into real life proportions, would equal five-foot-nine and a slinky 39-18-33, with size three feet and no apparent body fat. I, on the other hand, look more like a 300-lb bottle of lumpy milk.

She has me beat, hands down, in the job market as well; and has been a model, rock star, firefighter, politician, Olympic athlete, doctor, dentist, astronaut, paleontologist, and even ran for U.S. president after breaking up with her long-suffering boyfriend, Ken.While Barbie has been used to promote gender equality as an example that women can "be anything", I have paid the bills at times catching chickens, driving a forklift, and once interviewed a kid who could belch the entire alphabet, backwards.

She is a classic overachiever, the kind of girl you wouldn’t want to bring home to mother, because Mom would only look at you and be ashamed.

Much to my personal satisfaction, Barbie's presence in the life of girls has recently been said to hold a negative influence. Many groups now say young girls will set her up as their model, leading to issues with body image and gender role insecurities later in life.

So, if anyone is planning to paint some “Barbie must be stopped!” banners, you can count me in.Barbie is often looked upon as a popular icon of Western childhood, but her affinity for accessories reflects a lifestyle that is unobtainable for most of the people unlucky enough to be around her.

She is perhaps best known for her pink Corvette and big pink camper van (and who knows WHAT goes on in there when you’re not looking), but her insatiable thirst for material possessions doesn’t end at the garage. Barbie’s enormous range of available accessories feature, but is not limited to, clothes, hair, make-up, jewelry, parties and looking pretty. It has given rise to the accusation that Barbie encourages girls to focus only on shallow pursuits.

Bottom line, Barbie is bad. Even though she has accomplished far more than I ever will, I can look on the bright side. She still has to buy her friends.