Sweet, clean, tadpole-free water

Right from the start, Mom tried to keep us safe. She would tell us to look both ways before crossing the street, don’t pet strange dogs, keep your tongue out of the electrical sockets, and don’t drink bleach. Bleach was, and is, powerful stuff. Mom was wise to keep it out of reach, bringing it down only for the most important and challenging of cleaning jobs. The smell of bleach was the smell of clean. Bottom line. The power of bleach hit home for me at an early age, when my cousin had us catch a bucket full of little black tadpoles and watch, awestruck, as he dropped them into a bowl of bleach and they disintegrated in front of our very eyes. It was magic, it was scary, and it was science. A sight like that sticks with you, and I would like to mention that to my cousin, but it will be a few more years before he is out on parole. They say it is for the best. Meanwhile, they pour bleach into our drinking water. If it isn’t bleach that keeps my drinking water smelling so fresh and clean, it sure seems like it. I’m no expert when it comes to chemistry, but chlorine is hard to hide. And why should anyone be concerned. There’s nothing quite like the smell of bleach to make a person feel like they are on the right track, eliminating everything from their drinking water the size of a tadpole or smaller. You never know, maybe tap water kills everything, including listeriosis, halitosis and the common cold. I’ve been drinking tap water by the gallon for years, and I can’t remember the last time I caught a cold. Thanks to tap water, and the cleaning power of bleach, I can eat all the luncheon meat I want now, without a care in the world. And, I don’t think bottled water can say that. Many consumers remain suspicious of tap water, and continue to believe that bottled water is safer, despite the environmental impact of plastic bottles, and the fact that municipal water undergoes more stringent testing. Somewhere along the line, water has become a marketing ploy, a product that corporations use to create distrust in municipal tap water and boost profits. Yet, water is not a product. It is a building block of life on this planet, making bottled water redundant, and essentially unnecessary. Water in plastic-wrapped, petroleum-based bottles is the most ridiculous product that has been mass marketed in the last 15 years, especially when we are already paying for sweet, clean, tadpole-free water out of our taps. There has been a push recently to rethink our lust for bottled water, to ban the bottle and prevent some of that plastic from entering landfills. London is on board, along with Charlottetown, St. John’s and a smattering of towns in British Columbia. I would like to see many more places fall in line, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t. So, the next time you feel a cold coming on, or a headache, toothache or gut ache, suck down a gallon of tap water. I’ll wager you’ll be as right as rain in no time. Keep a jug on the go in the fridge and let all the bleach evaporate out, and there’s no reason you won’t live to be 200 or more. That alone should make your Mom proud.