I’m taking Scotch back

7/17/2007

“Eight bolls of malt to Friar John Cor, wherewith to make aqua vitae” — Exchequer Rolls, circa 1494
There is a commercial that has been all over television lately, about a home plagued by bankers. The hero of the day ends up setting a trap for the marauding thieves with expensive cigars and Scotch whisky.
Now, live trapping a banker, as opposed to outright extermination, is not the real crime here. The true tragedy of the commercial is that Scotch has become a drink associated with the rich. It shouldn’t be, so I’m taking it back.
Distilling in Scotland can be traced back 500 years to the good friar John Cor, who was no doubt popular among his fellow friars, and the common folk he visited, lived and drank with. Eight bolls of malt to make aqua vitae, Latin for “water of life”, was enough to produce 1,500 bottles.
I’ll wager John “Hard” Cor had a lot of friends, and not too many of them were bankers, lawyers, doctors and Fortune 500 company CEOs with bright, shiny BMWs, island vacations, private driveways and trophy wives with noses, lips, hips and breasts a doctor built for them.
No, Scotch really belongs to us common folk.
To be called Scotch whisky, the spirit must be distilled in Scotland from water and malted barley, fermented only by the addition of yeast, and must be distilled to an alcoholic strength of less than 95 per cent, so that it retains the flavour of the raw materials used in its production.
The distinct, earthy flavour of Scotch comes from adding peat to the fire as it is made. Peat itself is partially decayed vegetation that forms in wetlands, moors and bogs. It is composed mainly of peat moss, but can also include grasses, trees, fungi, insects and animal corpses.
In a nutshell, Scotch comes from the earth; and if the prophet Bob Marley taught me nothing else, it is that what comes from the earth is of the greatest worth.
The first known taxes on whisky production were imposed in 1644, and caused a rise in illicit whisky distilling throughout Scotland. By 1780, there were less than 10 legal distilleries and around 400 illegal ones; which shouldn’t come as any great surprise, because common folk like taxes about as much as they like bankers.
The spirit’s popularity spiked around 200 years ago, for two reasons. Firstly, the invention of a new kind of still meant whisky could be made smoother and less intense; and, in 1880, beetles destroyed wine and cognac production in France. Welcome to Scotland my thirsty friends.
Scotch must be aged in oak casks for at least three years, although most are aged for a minimum of eight. The older the whisky, the rarer it is, and the more you can expect to pay. A single malt Scotch will be more expensive than a blended whisky, but it will often be worth the price, if you can justify how much it is going to set you back.
If you are going through a bottle before lunch every day, Scotch can become an expensive habit. I prefer to enjoy it in small doses, slowly savouring the rich, distinct taste.
If it were pennies a glass, I would no doubt enjoy it that much more. Where’s John Cor when you need him.