Beer is the foundation of civilization

5/23/2007

There are those who would argue it is the discovery of fire, perhaps the development of language, or even the spread of agriculture; but, the truth of it is, the foundation of civilization can be only one thing. Beer.
Back in the early days, when humans were hairy little things scratching around in the dirt, we roamed around in small bands of hunters and gatherers. Early humans lived on roots and berries, deer when they could catch them, and fish and lobster if they hung out on the coast.
Upwards of 15,000 years ago, humans discontinued their nomadic hunting and gathering and settled down to farm. This is because they needed to grow grain to make beer. Grain became the first domesticated crop to kick start the farming process, and agriculture was born.
The two most important events in all of history are the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel, in that order, because the wheel was invented to get man closer to the beer in time for last call. Bottles and cans were yet to be invented, so early drinkers sat together around the brewery. This is how towns and villages were formed.
The oldest proven records of brewing are about 6,000 years old and refer to the Sumerians, near the ancient city of Babylon. A 4,000 year old Sumerian hymn to Ninkasi, the goddess of brewing, is also a recipe for making beer.
It details the earliest account of what is easily barley, followed by a description of bread being baked, crumbled into water to form a mash, and then made into a drink that made people feel "exhilarated, wonderful and blissful."
It should be obvious, then, to any historian, that baked bread was invented as a convenient method for storing and transporting the ingredients required to make beer.
In ancient times, beer was cloudy and unfiltered. The first drinking straws were invented to avoid getting the brewing residue, which was very bitter, in the mouth. Beer from Babylon was eventually exported and distributed as far away as Egypt, making it the first form of free trade.
Hammurabi, an important Babylonian king, decreed the oldest known collection of laws. One of those laws established a daily beer ration, and the ration was directly dependent on the social standing of the individual.
A normal worker received two litres, civil servants earned three litres, while administrators and high priests could claim five litres per day. This gave rise to the class system, and furthered the notion that a person’s worth can be measured in how well stocked their beer fridge is.
As beer drinking progressed, so did civilization.
It was one of the earliest forms of currency, prompted better sanitation, and encouraged the early days of comedy and culture through jokes and finger pulling. Beer also made possible the cultivation of corn for nachos, and the domestication of livestock for ribs and chicken wings.
Clearly, we owe a lot to the invention of beer.
Without it, we might still be wandering around, picking berries, throwing stones, and drinking water downriver from where the goats were standing. Which, by the way, is a good guess as to how American beer was invented.