...and then there’s campfire logic

7/11/2006

“Words are really silly, but they can be used well. It’s the only thing we have to work with while we’re talking.” — a conversation on a plane, in the 1971 film “Joe Cocker: Mad Dogs & Englishmen”

One thing you may notice this summer, while you are out and about, is that there is logic, and then there is campfire logic, and the two don’t particularly mix all that well.

Example #1 - Why are ocean levels rising?

Campfire logic dictates that it can be traced to the Inuit, and the reason you never see any poor Inuit art. Although the far north has its share of great artisans, there are some who just don’t measure up. After carving yet another three-tusked walrus, frustrated artists will cast the failed pieces into the Arctic Ocean before anyone can see them.

This has caused the northern waters to rise, knocking off more and more icebergs, which then melt as they drift their way south, further compounding the problem. Perfect campfire logic.

The real answer has more to do with global warming whittling away the polar ice caps.

It is a problem, and one we are unlikely to repair. We have come too far. The human race is not slowing down. We are not going away, and neither are all our machines. Eventually, we will melt enough ice cubes that the ocean will cool itself.

There is going to be some awfully wet basements in the process, but life will go on. That’s logic.

Example #2 - Why is obesity a growing problem?

Campfire logic dictates that it can be traced to the fact we have such big feet. In recent generations especially, shoe sizes seem to be going up and up. The body compensates for this growth by increasing appetite, thereby encouraging an increase in nourishment. When the rate of caloric intake exceeds the rate of foot growth, the result is obesity. Bigger feet makes bigger people. Perfect campfire logic.

The real answer has more to do with the quality and quantity of food we are eating.

As the world population expands, it is becoming increasingly difficult to feed everyone well. This imbalance encourages a proliferation of cheap, less nutritious foods. The more of that junk we eat, the fatter we are going to get.

The government can put all the nutrition and warning labels it wants on food products, but only a small percentage of experts are capable of understanding what it all means. Efforts to combat obesity will fail until good food becomes cheaper, and easier to find on store shelves, than all the terrible, tasty stuff we love so much.

That’s logic.

Campfire logic does not end with ocean levels and obesity. If you find yourself around a fire, test the waters with the energy crisis, gas prices, and the best oxymoron of the summer: indoor dogs.